Living Your Best F*cking Life Is An Art

It isn’t unusual to take a glimpse at your life and feel like something just isn’t right or going as you planned. I know this, because I am still living it.

By the age of 25, I dreamed of starting my journey into entrepreneurship. I would be engaged – or on the brinks of it – to my best friend and partner in crime, living near some modern yet quaint city and spending countless summers exploring the world. I imagined I was living!

But, I learned that life is but a series of nonsense meant to force you to grow and sh*t just doesn’t always go according to plan. As much as this can be terrifying or  often disappointing, I’ve had the best experiences and learned the greatest lessons.

Living Lesson #1: Let go of fear, take the opportunity.

Letting go of fear is a challenge of its own. 

Guess who used to be the expert of fear? This girl right here! I wasted so much time living in fear of what others thought about me, why I couldn’t achieve my end game goals, and convincing myself why I wasn’t ready. There was a steady stream of fear flowing through my body; fear of failure, heartbreak, love, relying on myself, making my own decisions, taking the next big leap, taking the next big fall. I suffered from severe indecisiveness and through this, I allowed others to guide me through their streams.

I learned over the past few years to let go of fear and grab the reigns of your life. Without letting go of fear, there is no possibility of accomplishing your dreams and passions.

Living Lesson #2: Commit.

Lacking consistency is the plague of our demise. When we don’t commit we become the masters of nothingness.

Making commitments and sticking to them help you accomplish everything you hoped for. Life is full of commitments, to education, relationships, careers, and whatnot. But a commitment is just an empty promise if you don’t follow through.

Living Lesson #3: You are responsible for your happiness.

This specific lesson has kicked my ass for decades. It’s all part of having boundaries and being fearless. You are conducting your show, no one else.

Yes, it is o-f*cking-kay that your relationships bring you happiness. But NEVER should your relationships be the source of all your happiness. Our relationships are never promised and people change, people grow. The only person that moves at your exact wavelength, is you.

Learn to count on yourself fifteen times more than your relationships by making yourself happy.

Living Lesson #4: Travel/Live alone.

Get off the couch. Leave home. Get uncomfortable. Move or travel somewhere you have never been. I can’t stress enough how much my travels and living alone made me so damn amazing. Why? Because I had to rely on myself and when I figure something out, it only built my self-esteem. Traveling gave me the opportunity to meet people different from what I was used to. It pushed me to diversify myself and made me more comfortable to change.

Living Lesson #5: Be okay with failing.

Failure is inevitable. Believe it or not, failure is the building block to success – only if we learn from our mistakes and reevaluate improvements. “Next time” is the part that most people stop at and results in the wrong approach to attaining success. Without failing, you can never know success. Don’t let fear of failure dictate your capacity for success.

These are a few living lessons I learned over the years and I know they can change the way you approach a redefined you! Despite not being in the place I planned for myself, I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. So what the f*ck are you waiting for?

Symphony of a Validation Seeker: 5 Ways To Cut That Sh*t Out

Being a validation seeker is probably the deepest form of self-betrayal. I know because I’ve been there.

Validation seeking eats at your crux and no matter how much you want to be vulnerable enough to be yourself, there is a little b*tch in the back of your mind convincing you  of how inadequate it believes you are.

This voice convinces you that the real you is unlikable. That your voice is faint. That there is absolutely no way a person could love the likes of you. This voice convinces you that in order to achieve all things you want, you must succomb to abandoning yourself.

&  in the pursuit of being “liked” or “accepted” you fall victim to emotionally unavailable, unhealthy, and tyrant relationships. These relationships scour your soul and eat off every bit of your self-esteem to the bare bone. Validation seeking leaves you as raw and as empty as a carcass. Victims of seeking validation generally don’t feel like they are actually worthy of the lives they live nor do they trust themselves to make decisions.

Fortunately, you can get your sh*t together and grow into the very person you were meant to be. YOURSELF. You can live an honest life and not feel embarrassed or unworthy of the very love you deserve. Read this twice: I am f*cking worth it.

Stop seeking the validation of self-righteous people. Trust me when I say it is simple. It all calls for the art of no-f*cks-given.

Understand this: we seek validation from others because it brings a sense of security and eliminates uncertainty.

To beat the system you have to (1) be open to the road less traveled.

In order to make progress, I had to take the road less traveled (literally). Moving out of California was a huge step in the path to validating myself and building my self-esteem. It was a decision I made on my own and I was proud of it. It was my first experience leaving the state, leaving my family, and starting my own chapter, and it never felt so right.

Which leads me into my next point…

(2) You’ll never win. People will always talk sh*t. It is what it is, and that’s o-f*cking-kay.

Leading my own life was the most challenging experience I faced. It consisted of countless arguments, numerous bowls of pistachio nut ice cream, and teary-eyed nights. I found myself stuck in a pit of nonsense until I got it together and realized that I made the decision for myself. It was a decision I was proud of and brought me more positive moments and beautiful adventures than any other experience I would have had living in my California safety zone.

You realize that you are the only person that has to deal with the decisions you make. Why deal with the outcomes because someone else told you to? There is a sense of self-awareness once you can get past that fact that people will always be against you, its just how people work.

I will only say this once: (3) You don’t owe anyone a damn thing.

Be unapologetic. The truth is – you don’t owe any apologies, respect, affection, explanations, or agreements. You don’t need to spread yourself thin to make others happy and you damn sure don’t need to explain yourself or your decisions.

I know better than most how hard this can be, but it can be done. But you will certainly need to prepare for this next bit.

Understand that if you plan on becoming the real you (4) you are going to disappoint people and that isn’t your problem.

Disappointment is defined as the feeling of displeasure caused by non-fulfillment of a said person’s expectations. So help me understand why is it so crucial to break your back in order to avoid disappointing everyone but you? This is the real betrayal to yourself. What about your expectations and your fulfillment?

You validate yourself when you (5) expect from yourself.

Begin holding yourself to a higher standard and have expectations for yourself. Honor your needs and aspirations and dare not settle for anything less than you deserve.

Remember those boundaries we talked about? Bruh, let’s get serious and really put them to work. Your boundaries are your laws of the land – never allow anyone to cross them. These are your standards. You will thank me in the long run. You don’t need to worry about anything that falls short of your boundaries. Learn not to expect anything from anyone, you only have control over what and who you accept into your life – everything good and everything bad.

You are too f*cking amazing to play in the symphony – so step up and conduct the orchestra that is your best life.

 

 

 

6 Boundaries You Owe Yourself – Moving Forward

Time and time again, I find myself in the trenches battling asinine situations that (1) I allowed in my life and (2) didn’t have the balls to remove them from my life. As I embark on the idea of living my best f*cking life, I stumbled across the simple yet challenging concept of boundaries.

These boundaries challenge a person to be the best version of themselves and reinforce the level of respect they command, regardless of titles, genders, and bullsh*t affinities.

I made qualifiers for my “boundaries” and believed in giving people the benefit of the doubt. Low and behold, each time I adjusted my requirements it never failed that I held the short end of the stick wondering where it all went wrong. And I’m talking in all relationships with family, significant others, friends, even coworkers.

I am now 25 and inspired by some advice I received – set your f*cking boundaries, girl.

By having boundaries, you have complete control over where you place your energy to help you live the life you spearhead. It’s not up to others to come crashing in trying to steal your show. Please, don’t let anyone get it twisted – you owe yourself the space to invest your energy into the areas of life that propel you to the best version of you.

Boundary #1: Take the scissors and cut out those who dishonor you.

This is a repeat offender and I’ve been there on many occasions. Stop making excuses for those that treat you bad and have no respect for you. Opening the door once and making exceptions only screw you over by the end. This is the biggest waste of energy. No need keeping emotional anchors grounded in your oceans. Tolerating those that bring you down and wear you out should never be in the equation. Cutting the rope is non-negotiable.

Boundary #2: Ground yourself in logic.

No need to react based on your feelings of today. Hell, tomorrow’s feelings can kick rocks, too. Rooting yourself in logic and not letting your emotions take over is the most powerful response you can have in any scenario and with anyone.

Boundary #3: Honestly, bruh.

Honesty is the biggest indicator of how much someone respects you as a human being. It’s the easiest thing to do and while it’s easy, many people are only half-honest or perjurers in disguise. Regardless of whether it’s good or bad, complete honesty shows that your friend, SO, coworker or whomever respects you enough to be emotionally available and comfortable in your -ship. Honesty gives room for construction and leaves everyone in the know, not worried about being blindsided or having insecure feelings.

It goes so much further to be tastefully honest with the people in your life – and yourself.

Boundary #4: When you are off the clock – you are off the clock.

This is one I struggle with in particular and if you know me, I am constantly trying to outdo myself. This takes away from the time and energy I could have focused on other aspects of my life. If you are anything like me you thrive off working and working hard. Well, work needs boundaries too and the last thing you need to do is spread yourself thin.

Boundary #5: There is no competition.

Keep your dignity. You are not sitting on some shelf waiting to be picked up and honored. Get off the shelf and understand this – if you think for one second you are an option in someones life, I suggest you try again. Never allow someone to treat you as disposable, optional, or a back-up. Don’t devalue yourself. If they value your friendship, you will be a priority. You are never an option and won’t sit around waiting for someone to realize it either.

Fold – there is no reason to devalue yourself. Keeping this boundary puts your self esteem in check.

Boundary #6: It’s not about you – that’s self-destruction at it’s finest.

In your life, you will constantly be used as a projection of what others feel about themselves. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Nor should you entertain the idea that you are anything that anyone has dawned upon you. As long as you are self-aware, nothing will EVER be because of you – you are too amazing for that sh*t, so act like it and believe it.

Staying grounded in these boundaries will help you own your f*cking life. Nothing is negotiable when it comes to you. My good friend Danny said it right – “They either get right or get left.”

5 Ways to Maximize Productivity

Late nights & early mornings… sounds like a Marsha Ambrosius song, right?! Too often we find ourselves begging for more time in a day to get shit done. I find that the reason we feel like we are wasting time through a 24-hour day is because our minds are set on different priorities. We have all been there, prioritizing just one more hour of sleep, or taking 10 more minutes for your lunch break. These are the things that are eating away at your day and keep YOU from reaching your full potential. So what can you do to ensure you are making the most of your days and you maximize productivity?

  1. Make Lists.
    Making lists is the best thing your can start training your brain to do. Creating a list of things to do each morning will help you maximize your time. When you cross them off, you become closer to a sense of fulfillment and pride. In addition, it becomes one less thing you have to stress over. I use Saturdays to list out my upcoming week (all the major things I can think of) and through the week, I will add to my lists based on priority.
  2. Prioritize Effectively.
    This goes hand in hand with making lists to begin with. Do you ever create a list of things to achieve for the day and realize you spent so much time completing something that wasn’t as important as the item at the bottom of your list? I learned a technique with prioritizing in my lists. First, you write everything down, then you use letters A-D (A being the most important and D being the most flexible with timelines), once you have marked your items, you will use numbers to identify which A-List items to work on first, and so on. This method really keeps you focus on what items you need to prioritize.
  3.  The 3 Percent Factor.
    I follow Brian Tracy, an amazing salesman and personal success authority. In a book I read, he brings up that 3% of adults have written goals and plans – these are the folks that earn more than the 97% put together. Isn’t it the least bit interesting to know that just by having a consistent flow of written goals and plans, you too can be more productive, and in turn earn more? This reminder motivates me to work on my self-discipline to achieve my goals. Having clearly set goals puts you on track to accomplishing them, making your more successful than those around you.
  4. Use Downtime to Increase You!
    We are interesting creatures, we complain about having  no time in a day and yet find so much free-time. What are you doing during your free-time? I use my downtime to invest in myself. I read books on topics that are the interesting to me, I watch videos related to my specific skills, and I practice my craft. During any lunch breaks, I am sketching or writing ideas. I am investing in myself and you should too!
  5. Do It More.
    I got the best advice from a friend that has his own company in fashion. I asked, “to what do you owe your successes and how can I do it?” He responded, “I found what works, and I did it more. And the more I did it, the more success came my way. So, whatever you are doing, do it more.” You want to be more productive, then when you go through a day that makes you feel accomplished by the end of it, start doing it more. This can go toward any facet in your life – apply it to get the promotion at work, to starting a business, to paying down a credit card. Do it more.

I hope these are tidbits that maximize productivity from you. Are there any other things you are doing to increase your productivity?