How To Embrace + Love The Life You Are Living

Sometimes, I find myself overwhelmed with all the nonsense and noise of the world. Social media makes it so difficult to ignore the good life that all of our friends and family are living. With so much noise surrounding us, it is challenging to think highly of our own lives.

The truth is, we are all in different f*cking places + that is completely okay. Take this time to really embrace where you are and how far you have come. For a while, I felt like my life was crumbling before my eyes. It seemed like everyone around me figured it out and, for some reason, I am stuck at a crossroad.

Welp… It’s about time to get over this sh*t + find some peace within yourself.

How to Embrace the Life you are Living

  1. Recognize you are not the only one feeling like you got the short end of the stick. It’s pretty normal to find that the people you think have it all together – are actually feeling like they are falling apart.
  2. Get over yourself – seriously. In this day and age, we are so self-consumed that it is debilitating. We miss out on opportunity – opportunity to network, to get that new job, to make a new friend, to make a relationship better, whatever else you could be improving. Get out your ass and take a chance that will improve not just your life, but the life of others.
  3. Be okay with being alone. If I learned anything valuable from my job, it’s learning how to be okay with being alone. In this time, I have so much time for self-care and reflection. It’s been the greatest opportunity for me to figure out problems on my own and be 100 percent responsible for my decisions.
  4. Learn to smile + find things to be grateful for. One of the biggest compliments I got this year was from a close colleague that said I always know how to laugh at my own misery – because I do! It’s learning to understand that sh*t happens out of our control. What we do have control over, is the way we respond to our misfortunes. I make every effort to take any negativity and let out positive energy. Yeah, I know I sound like a hippie, but we are what we put into the world, right?!
  5. Understand that it’s okay to live a life others don’t understand. My job has odd hours and requires travel at times, but ultimately, I love what I do. I spent a lot of time feeling like work made me miss out on many opportunities. I’ve grown to realize that I’ve found everything I needed in this life so there is no need to try living a life that wasn’t meant for me.

While I continue learning to embrace the life I have, I hope these tips help you get more comfortable in your own life. Things are hard enough as it is – by accepting how f*cking amazing you are doing, you will keep moving mountains.

How I Stopped Derailing My Own Life (& You Can Too!)

“I don’t need this negativity in my life” – probably my main theme of 2017. Unfortunately, I did have time for it, and half the time I created it. It was the beginning of me derailing my own life and falling into an abyss of negativity.

It’s all too common that you may spend a lot of time trying to figure out where you went wrong and who was to blame for your unhappiness. Well, considering I’ve been there – it’s finally time to cut that sh*t out.

6 ways to stop derailing your amazing life:

Learn to (1) forgive those that never apologized. This one hits home for me the most. There were so many people that I blamed for my unhappiness and felt I deserved apologies from. It became all too consuming to deal with. I had a stroke of realization that there was no need to keep holding on to what was irrelevant. So what if they apologized? It wouldn’t actually change anything.

As humans, we are hell bent to feel like others owe us. In actuality, no one owes us anything. Be responsible for your own happiness. There is no way to achieve it unless you let go of all wrongs. Begin forgiving people that wronged you – with or without their initiated apologies.

Let it go and (2) learn from it. Learn from your mistakes and don’t be the person that repeatedly makes mistakes about the same thing. I would say I am getting better at learning to now repeat the same mistakes in my life. Because of this, I find I am more organized, better prepared, and actually making progress. It’s such a financial, emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual time-suck to not learn from your mistakes. Learn to honor your boundaries and stop making repeated mistakes that keep you stagnant.

(3) Show gratitude each day. I found I took too much of my time focusing on the wrong aspects of my life. It caused me not to appreciate the phone calls my family made to me, the skills I excelled in, and the accomplishments I’ve made thus far.

Showing appreciation for something each day can really change your mindset. A lot of the time we focus hard on the negative and this can be consuming. I challenge you to start focusing on the areas of your life that are great. Positive consumption is much better than the latter and gives you the space and energy you need to tackle your problems.

Please, (4) stop multitasking – that’s why nothing gets completed. I will never ever say that I am good at multitasking. It’s actually the thing I do the worst! I know how things can spiral from multitasking and I continuing to manage my time more effectively working on one thing at a time.

Learn to give a task 100% of your attention and stop multitasking. Multitasking is a recipe for not meeting deadlines, not providing quality work and adding on to your stress.

(5) Keep doing what you love and do it at least twice a week. Over time we forget that we have hobbies and activities that we enjoy. For me, I love writing, painting, and fitness – so I make sure I get it done each week. I found this elevates me more than anything, especially when I am going through a rough patch.

Don’t be hyper-focused on the things that are not fruitful to your happiness. Instead, be gluttonous in what fills your soul and promotes your best version of you.

(6) Be in tune with your f*cking self. And, stop worrying about everyone’s opinions and what they think about what your life. Seriously, stop investing your magic in the wrong people. Spend the amazing energy giving yourself a needed tune up!

This list can go on, but these 6 points are good places to start freeing you from going overboard. Despite your challenges, take advantage of your magic and don’t allow yourself to fall on the wayside.

If you want to add some advice, share it in the comments below!

Blvck Beauty Spotlight: T’Era J. Henderson

It’s been a while, but I have been waiting on the perfect person to spotlight and Miss T’Era J. Henderson is it! This Blvck Beauty goes back to my high school days. Not only is she beautiful on the outside, but she is a force on the inside. She is completely noteworthy and should be on your Youtube staple list!


Background: T’era J. Henderson, 22, birthday August 21, 1993 (turning 23 this summer)


Hobbies: I love doing makeup, being outdoors (whether it’s being active on a hike, playing volleyball, or the beach), reading about health, lifestyle, and beauty trends.
Where are you from?: I was born in Gardena, and moved to Moreno Valley at 8 years old.
Why did you start your channel?: I’ve known that I was into beauty for a long time. I was first introduced to it at the age of 12 when I began modeling for Barbazon. I did not like what the modeling industry’s idea of “beauty” was so I only last for about a year. As a young african-american girl with curly nappy hair, chinky-eyes, and a big forehead, it was always hard for me to find myself and define what beauty meant to me. To me, beauty wasn’t diverse. I always felt like I had to look like the girls with the light skin, straight hair, and big bold eyes. It wasn’t until after high school where I began to teach myself how to love what God gave me. And I wanted every other girl to feel the same way. But now-a-days it is hard to feel comfortable in your own skin when we are constantly comparing ourselves to Instagram models and girls that big makeup companies advertise. When I would watch a makeup tutorial and try it on myself, it would always be so discouraging because all these looks weren’t designed for a brown gal like myself. I definitely felt like there wasn’t enough diversity on YouTube, or enough people teaching their subscribers that at the end of the day, all these makeup photos we take are that they compare themselves too, are edited, and all this makeup we wear isn’t permanent. So its important to love yourself first. I see WAY too many girls saying “i wish i looked like that” or “why are you so perfect” or how a lot of makeup products are made for fair skinned girls. But just like Patrick Star said, “makeup is a one size fits all and it comes off at the end of the day” ..and I really just wanna be that one that little girls grow up watching and can actually relate to and learn from someone of the same skin tone. I want to inspire the next generation of “natural beauty vs. makeup as an accessory, not a necessity.” (I totally just made that up and I’m proud of cool it is lol)
So to answer your question, the 2 main reasons I made my channel was to 1.) promote self love, and 2.) Be a role model for us women on color; teaching us how to love our skin, and how makeup looks just as good on our skin as it does anyone else’s ! 
Favorite daytime look: To be honest I really love a bold look anytime of the day. The only difference is for day-time, I will most likely swap the contour for bronzer and instead of smoking out the bottom lash line, I will wear a nude color liner instead ! But I’m type of girl that will wear dark brown lipstick and a maroon smokey eye at 9am lol.
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Favorite night-time look: I definitely like to go heavy on the highlighter and lashes! Other than that, I’m drag queen status lol. Just kidding, My favorite night-time look would definitely have to be some kind of purple or deep red.
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Define beauty: Beauty to me lies within someones spirit. It is self love. It is self confidence, and being aware that meeting the standards of a “flawless” outer appearance is unattainable.
What trends do you see on the rise this spring? Honestly I still see the excessive highlighter as being trendy, I see metallic lipsticks are starting to creep its way in, I see more people are aiming for curly hair, and oddly I’m starting to see more and more faux freckles over makeup being done. I just may do a tutorial on it.
What is your goal as a new beauty blogger? My goal is to be a positive role model, not just someone that people look up too as this flawless makeup goddess. As said before, another goal of mine is to promote self love and confidence, and be a great public figure for Women of Color.
Check more our from the beauTeeiful T’Era Henderson : Click here!

How To Keep Yourself Motivated To Be A Winter Gym Rat

As a native Californian, living on the East Coast through a winter vortex is the f*cking worst. But despite the weather, I never let it stop me from getting a good workout in for the day. The goal is to stay motivated to work out.

Snow is a challenge and so is the cool winter weather, most of the time between 10 and 30 degrees (totally, not my favorite weather conditions). So how do I continue making sure I make it in the gym? I’ll share a few tips to beat the wintry gym blues so you will never be too far to dead-lift or hit a spin class.

It’s all about scheduling for the week. 

You haven’t truly been working on your goals until you’ve invested in a planner, or something to keep you organized through the week. My planner is my everything y’all! I list everything from what I plan on meal prepping for the week to what my workout focuses are each day. Get a good planner and use it. I promise it makes such a difference in the level of commitment you have to sculpting and toning your body.

Mix it up – live a little.

Nothing is more boring than doing the same sh*t everyday – so why not mix it up? My gym offers a ton of great classes to supplement my regular gym membership. This gives me the flexibility to switch it up often within my workout schedule for the week. My splits sound something like: Monday – Leg Day, Tuesday – Yoga, Wednesday – Personal Training, Thursday Back and Shoulders, Friday – Barre, and Sunday – Core and Abs. I always reevaluate if I want to try anything different and my options are endless.

Don’t limit yourself to just the gym.

The great thing about working out is that you can do it anywhere! Now, I know it’s winter and maybe you don’t feel up to being outdoors but there are some alternatives. I love getting a great core workout done in my very own living room. Sun salutations in the morning get my body stretched and ready for the day, so I find these helpful. I also recommend meeting up with a friend a few times a month or hiring a great personal trainer. There is nothing like having someone to motivate you and try out new workout routines with.

Motivated to treat yo’self.

I read a great book called “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg and an important component of developing a habit is the reward factor. The habit you are trying to create is getting your ass up to work out on your schedule. In order to motivate yourself, find something that is a treat for your self-discipline.

I like to reward myself at the end of each week with new active gear, whether it be a pair of shoes or a comfy active sweater it works for me – especially in the cold. This motivates me more the following week because I’ll have new attire to sport at the gym. It’s literally a win-win!

Get a mantra together!

If you couldn’t tell, my first mantra is “Living my best f*cking life!” I also wake up each morning and tell myself “I f*ck with you.”

It sounds ridiculous, but I generally start off having a great morning, which leads to a great work out, and ends with a great day. Set the tone for your mornings and follow through all day. This really helps to get my day started on the right track and no matter what the weather is I’m motivated.

There isn’t much of a secret to staying motivated in the winter. Honestly, it all boils down to how committed you are to reaching your f*cking goals. It’s as simple as that. Put in the work to do what you need to do to keep being the gym rat you’ve always been.

Winter is Coming: 5 Tips On Protecting Your Tips

As a native natural of California, I never had to deal with temperatures below 55 degrees. Boy, moving to the East Coast gave me the quickest reality check on how to really take care of my natural hair.

With winter coming close and the weather getting crisp it’s time for every natural to switch up the regimen. For the past few weeks, I’ve been rocking a twist-out I carried for almost 4 days now. My hair is beginning to dry out and isn’t up to par so it’s time to makes some changes!

Cooler weather means less humidity thus resulting in the drying out of your hair. Here’s some tips to get your natural hair prepared for crisp winter months.

  1. Sweaters are everyone’s go-to with colder months approaching, but we don’t realize that if our natural hair is brushing up against our clothing, we are putting our ends at a great risk of breakage. 

    Suggestion: Start sporting your hair in an up-do. Buns are perfect for not only tucking away your ends for safety, but making a fall fashion statement. 

  2. As the weather continues to get a bit chilly we find more breakage when wearing beanies on our locs, especially with most being made of some type of fabric that causes friction to the hair shaft. 

    Suggestion: Line your beanies with satin or wear a bonnet underneath your beanie. You can still be warm and rock your favorite beanie without worrying about destruction of the tresses.2

  3. Protective styling is a huge safety net for the upcoming cold months! The weather will dry out your hair and make it more difficult on your ends. 

    Suggestion: Tuck those bad curls away in Senegalese twists, poetic justice braids (which are my go-to), or a fierce crotchet! 

  4. The air itself will suck the moisture out of your hair in a heartbeat. You can count on it! There is a lack in humidity that keeps our curls pretty balanced for moisture so you will will have to compensate.

    Suggestion: Deep condition more than you typically would. Your goal is to make sure your hair is locking in as much moisture as possible to combat the dry air. Help your tresses win the fight! 

  5. Stopping at just moisturizing will only set you and your natural hair up for failure. The weather is more harsh on your strands, so you really need to pack a punch back.

    Suggestion: Thicker oils and butter will seal the deal on natural hair. My all-time favorite for my hair is pure shea butter – I also add in some coconut oil to give my hair the umph I need, especially because my natural hair is a bit thicker.

Hopefully these are helpful for you curlies out there! Any other tips to mention?

Blvck Beauty Spotlight: Jade LeSure

And I am back in action y’all! Of course, you know I had to come back with a bang and give you my BLVCK BEAUTY SPOTLIGHT for the month. This woman is fierce in every way – seriously, this chick can s l a y.

Jade LeSure:

From: Moreno Valley, California residing in Fort Worth Texas
Occupation: Magazine Owner, Wardrobe Stylist, Personal Assistant, Teachers Aide (A lot, I Know)
Likes:  just enjoying my life at the moment and enjoying the people in my life.
Dislikes:  cheese, bugs, entitled people, and horribly dressed people

What inspired you to start your magazine? I love fashion. Simply put, I live and breath fashion and style. I kept thinking about how much I love the two and how much I love to write and my blog pretty much started from there. Writing has always been a habit of mine and being able to write about what I love just makes it that much easier.



What is the most challenging part of writing? The most challenging part is finding the time to write and always being able to stay consistent. Because following your dreams your going to have some low points where your just not feeling it. I recently just went through one of those moments recently where I couldn’t find the energy or the inspiration to write. I finally realized I was slowing myself down and slowing my progress down, because running your own business sometimes your going to have those moments. The best way to overcome those moments is to really remember why you started doing it in the first place and remembering that god gave you a purpose and that living in your purpose is not always going to be easy.


What makes your style stand out? I think what makes my style standout is that I am style. I am a style setter I don’t follow all the latest trends. I make my own style. I make my own fashion rules that make me feel comfortable and confident in what I wear. I am a true essence of style in my daily life in my everyday endeavors I bring an essence of a style. Style is my art. My style is giving my creative passion to the world in different forms.

Where does all that inspiration come from? My definite top favorites by far would have to be Jai Nice, Marjorie Harvey, Teyana Taylor, Anaya Rodrick , EJ King, Bryon Javar definitely my style inspirations, honestly, I think they are so awesome. The way they embody their style is like art to me. I love the fact they play by there own rules and make the fashion world follow them verses following it.


Tell me about a time when you didn’t feel beautiful; did you overcome that? I would have to say high school. I struggled with feeling pretty comparing myself to other young ladies. I showed confidence but I really wasn’t confident at all, but I put on a good front. Wasn’t until I transferred to another college and kind of found my real essence of style and beauty. I really found who I was in that time. Now I am still learning about myself, its those little things I find out myself that make me love myself even more.

What advice do you have for ladies out there with similar struggles? For young women, especially women of color who are struggling with image and self-confidence, I say, “ don’t let society determine your beauty. Don’t let society determine what is considered to beautiful to you. Remember that you are born a queen. Remember that you are the true essence of beauty, grace and art. Remember that your self-confidence lies within you as long as you remember that you are a queen nobody can take that from you. Don’t let Instagram or other social media show you what facade beauty is. Always remember you are beautiful from your curly heads and natural Afros to your curvaceous body to your pretty feet that you are beautiful in every essence of the word.”



How do you define Black Beauty? Black Beauty means embracing all that you are good and bad. Black beauty is in the way we walk talk and the way we carry ourselves. Black beauty isn’t being ratchet, being half naked or any of those things. The beauty lies within our inner being lies within our minds when we speak we act etc. Black beauty is being a queen when the world tells you your not. Black beauty is being everything that god has created us to be. Black beauty is me, its you, and its every other women of color out here that exudes her confidence and beauty through her essence.

Special thanks to Jade for bearing through with me! (; Remember to follow this black beauty!

IG: @Thelovelymissjade & @TLMJMag

Twitter: @TLMJBlog
Tumblr: TLMJMag

Product Spotlight: Kyra’s Shea Medley

A few months ago, I caught a whiff of the most pleasant smell; it was a sweet, tropical aroma. I immediately asked why he was smelling so good – Kyra’s Shea Medley.

Before I get into the product, let me give you some background as to why I opt for a butter products. My hair absorbs everything in it’s path, like a sponge. Because my hair does what it pleases, I have noticed that a product that is thicker will typically leave my hair feeling right – that’s when my hair is on it’s best behavior.

Okay, now back to the point…

..that was the day it became my new staple products – and you know I am not much of a product junkie. This butter felt smooth, thick, and easily spread. On my 4b4c hair, the product did not absorb easily and maintained its purpose throughout the day.

There are many things that I love about this product. For starters, this product is $9.99 in stores and is purchased online for as little as $5.99. If you reside in California, you can find this line at local Targets and some beauty supply stores; there is also another store in Las Vegas, NV that sells Kyra’s Shea Medley.

Each jar has a different aroma and also has multi-usage. Because the product is for hair and skin there are many uses – moisturizing skin, face cream, leave-in conditioner, lip balm, hand lotion and ect.

The most important tidbit about this product is that the ingredients are all-natural! I do my best to stay away from products that have too much going on and knowing that this butter cream is au naturale makes it a godsend.

If you want to purchase this product, head here:

Shrinkage is Real

Shrinkage! It’s a popular term used in the black natural hair community, especially for those curlies like myself.

Now, I can’t say that I always embraced shrinkage, me and her have a love-hate relationship, but what I will say is I am learning to embrace it and enjoy the versatility of my hair.

Why is it that as black women, we find it difficult to innately accept and love our shrunken locs? (& I speak generally, for my more sensitive audience.)

Where does this stem from?

  • Beauty standards set forth by Euro-Centric ideology have cultivated in our black community making the vision of beauty look like long and silky hair. Years of these poisonous images created a root for self-hate and reaffirmation in the black community.


  • Skin wars = hair wars… furthering our appreciation for loose spirals and deeming this as a beauty standard for the black community while negating that dark complexions cannot achieve this “look.”


  • Taking it back I can recall the utter frustration with not knowing how to manage my hair texture with so much euro-centric influence around. It is only in the past few years that I notice more black women claiming their strands and making the statement, “my hair is healthy, can be whatever I want, and it is beautiful.”

There are probably more ideas that can go into the consideration of our inevitable fight to end shrinkage (By no means am I against stretching!). But what about embracing it?

Here’s why I’m so shrunk in love:

  • My hair is showing me it’s healthy. I just love when my hair can bounce back from it’s stretched state. Don’t you ever get nervous that it doesn’t once you’ve flat-ironed it?


  • I can style on ’em anytime and really show the versatility of my hair. Sleek and straight one day, blow out the next, and smexy curls the third. I just HAVE to change it up!


  • I don’t know about you but sometimes I just like to stunt on those that have no idea about my hair. I have heard very often that people assume my hair to be so short, until I stretch a strand, then it’s a wrap.

So you tell me, do you like all that shrinkage – or nah?

My Henna Hair Coloring Experience

If you consider dying your hair without the harmful effects of the actually dying process, consider henna! Not only does henna tint your hair, but is also tried and proved to have lasting benefits.

Henna provides an additional layer to your hair, working to condition the shafts. Natural hair reaps the benefits found using 100% natural henna to coat; it would be wisest to purchase henna from a natural herb supplier.

Here are benefits I experienced with my first henna application:

  1. Smoother hair strands. The coating of henna on my hair really made my hair appear more silky and smoother to styling, did I mention it made my twist-out look amazing!
  2. More definition in my curl pattern. In addition to smoothing my hair, the henna made my strands clump which caused a more defined curl pattern.
  3. Strengthening to fight breakage. Now that I am finger detangling, I do not find my hair dealing with much breakage. Henna has made my detangling experience more convenient and I have yet to deal with much breakage.

Overall, my experience was interesting. Here’s what I did…

I used Colora henna in Red Sunset (which I thought would be my first mistake since I wasn’t quite sure if it was 100% natural) and I went for it anyway. I added water and mixed in some conditioner to avoid the brittle feeling that many natural hair bloggers complained about. The mixture was a thick, muddy consistency. From there I applied the mixture to damp hair. I used a plastic shower cap and wrapped my hair in plastic wrap, ending with my towel wrapped over it.

I didn’t leave the mixture in too long, only 40 minutes before I took it out. And from there my hair looked and felt great. I definitely recommend henna if you are looking for bolder, thicker, defined hair.


Tell me! What was your first experience like?!

Protective Styling This Season

This is the season for protective styling and making sure your natural hair hibernating for the colder season. As I have mentioned in a previous post that taking care of your hair is going to crucial for retaining length and promoting growth of your locs.

Here are a few ideas of my protective styling go-to’s:

  • The infamous bun! You can’t go wrong with a cute bun. I’m talking top-knot buns, low buns, side buns, messy buns, two buns, three buns – I can go on forever. Buns are great protective styles that really tuck away your ends and prevent breakage in the long run.

Protective Styling

  • “Poetic Justice, Poetic Justice.” Poetic Justice braids are my favorite kinds of braids because like many people, I’m too busy. They are braided large enough that I don’t have to cringe when I think about taking the braids out. And while they are in, I can still be versatile (and still wear a bun). I would make sure that my edges are small braids than the rest otherwise you could pull our hair and risk hardcore damage.

Protective Styling

  • Extensions, weave, whatever you want to call it. I love being able to change up my look and these give me the best changes without worrying about heat damage or having to using hair coloring products. It gives my natural hair a rest and this form of protective styling really tucks my hair away.

Protective StylingProtective Styling        Protective Styling

  • Wrap that hair. Hair wraps are thee best for protective styling natural hair or transitioning hair! Sometimes when I have worn out my twist-out or my hair isn’t looking as great, my hair wrap comes to the rescue. You can wear them solid, patterned, large, small, whatever you want and be stylish on the fly.

Protective Styling

Have you tried any of these protective styles? Maybe you have some to add? I’d love to hear what you all do!