Time and time again, I find myself in the trenches battling asinine situations that (1) I allowed in my life and (2) didn’t have the balls to remove them from my life. As I embark on the idea of living my best f*cking life, I stumbled across the simple yet challenging concept of boundaries.
These boundaries challenge a person to be the best version of themselves and reinforce the level of respect they command, regardless of titles, genders, and bullsh*t affinities.
I made qualifiers for my “boundaries” and believed in giving people the benefit of the doubt. Low and behold, each time I adjusted my requirements it never failed that I held the short end of the stick wondering where it all went wrong. And I’m talking in all relationships with family, significant others, friends, even coworkers.
I am now 25 and inspired by some advice I received – set your f*cking boundaries, girl.
By having boundaries, you have complete control over where you place your energy to help you live the life you spearhead. It’s not up to others to come crashing in trying to steal your show. Please, don’t let anyone get it twisted – you owe yourself the space to invest your energy into the areas of life that propel you to the best version of you.
Boundary #1: Take the scissors and cut out those who dishonor you.
This is a repeat offender and I’ve been there on many occasions. Stop making excuses for those that treat you bad and have no respect for you. Opening the door once and making exceptions only screw you over by the end. This is the biggest waste of energy. No need keeping emotional anchors grounded in your oceans. Tolerating those that bring you down and wear you out should never be in the equation. Cutting the rope is non-negotiable.
Boundary #2: Ground yourself in logic.
No need to react based on your feelings of today. Hell, tomorrow’s feelings can kick rocks, too. Rooting yourself in logic and not letting your emotions take over is the most powerful response you can have in any scenario and with anyone.
Boundary #3: Honestly, bruh.
Honesty is the biggest indicator of how much someone respects you as a human being. It’s the easiest thing to do and while it’s easy, many people are only half-honest or perjurers in disguise. Regardless of whether it’s good or bad, complete honesty shows that your friend, SO, coworker or whomever respects you enough to be emotionally available and comfortable in your -ship. Honesty gives room for construction and leaves everyone in the know, not worried about being blindsided or having insecure feelings.
It goes so much further to be tastefully honest with the people in your life – and yourself.
Boundary #4: When you are off the clock – you are off the clock.
This is one I struggle with in particular and if you know me, I am constantly trying to outdo myself. This takes away from the time and energy I could have focused on other aspects of my life. If you are anything like me you thrive off working and working hard. Well, work needs boundaries too and the last thing you need to do is spread yourself thin.
Boundary #5: There is no competition.
Keep your dignity. You are not sitting on some shelf waiting to be picked up and honored. Get off the shelf and understand this – if you think for one second you are an option in someones life, I suggest you try again. Never allow someone to treat you as disposable, optional, or a back-up. Don’t devalue yourself. If they value your friendship, you will be a priority. You are never an option and won’t sit around waiting for someone to realize it either.
Fold – there is no reason to devalue yourself. Keeping this boundary puts your self esteem in check.
Boundary #6: It’s not about you – that’s self-destruction at it’s finest.
In your life, you will constantly be used as a projection of what others feel about themselves. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Nor should you entertain the idea that you are anything that anyone has dawned upon you. As long as you are self-aware, nothing will EVER be because of you – you are too amazing for that sh*t, so act like it and believe it.
Staying grounded in these boundaries will help you own your f*cking life. Nothing is negotiable when it comes to you. My good friend Danny said it right – “They either get right or get left.”