all my musings.

How To Embrace + Love The Life You Are Living

Sometimes, I find myself overwhelmed with all the nonsense and noise of the world. Social media makes it so difficult to ignore the good life that all of our friends and family are living. With so much noise surrounding us, it is challenging to think highly of our own lives.

The truth is, we are all in different f*cking places + that is completely okay. Take this time to really embrace where you are and how far you have come. For a while, I felt like my life was crumbling before my eyes. It seemed like everyone around me figured it out and, for some reason, I am stuck at a crossroad.

Welp… It’s about time to get over this sh*t + find some peace within yourself.

How to Embrace the Life you are Living

  1. Recognize you are not the only one feeling like you got the short end of the stick. It’s pretty normal to find that the people you think have it all together – are actually feeling like they are falling apart.
  2. Get over yourself – seriously. In this day and age, we are so self-consumed that it is debilitating. We miss out on opportunity – opportunity to network, to get that new job, to make a new friend, to make a relationship better, whatever else you could be improving. Get out your ass and take a chance that will improve not just your life, but the life of others.
  3. Be okay with being alone. If I learned anything valuable from my job, it’s learning how to be okay with being alone. In this time, I have so much time for self-care and reflection. It’s been the greatest opportunity for me to figure out problems on my own and be 100 percent responsible for my decisions.
  4. Learn to smile + find things to be grateful for. One of the biggest compliments I got this year was from a close colleague that said I always know how to laugh at my own misery – because I do! It’s learning to understand that sh*t happens out of our control. What we do have control over, is the way we respond to our misfortunes. I make every effort to take any negativity and let out positive energy. Yeah, I know I sound like a hippie, but we are what we put into the world, right?!
  5. Understand that it’s okay to live a life others don’t understand. My job has odd hours and requires travel at times, but ultimately, I love what I do. I spent a lot of time feeling like work made me miss out on many opportunities. I’ve grown to realize that I’ve found everything I needed in this life so there is no need to try living a life that wasn’t meant for me.

While I continue learning to embrace the life I have, I hope these tips help you get more comfortable in your own life. Things are hard enough as it is – by accepting how f*cking amazing you are doing, you will keep moving mountains.

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2018 Will Pop Severely

I don’t know about you but 2017 was rough as f*ck. Don’t misconstrue my statement as a (complete) negative. I appreciated the hell out of these last 365 days!

My experiences were the epitome of my current successes. I started the year off with bright eyes, a positive outlook, and loads of opportunities. New love brewed, self-love grew. I spoke up for myself, enjoyed my personal life again, made adventures, and opened my heart to new friendships. I definitely won’t act like there wasn’t frustration, tears shed, epic fights, and self-doubt too. Despite the good fights, 2017 was a year of vulnerability.

2018 is going up and when I tell you it’s going to pop, it’s the truth! Here are some lessons learned from 2017.

On Self

  1. Acknowledge and own your boundaries. Don’t allow others in your space that do not honor you in abundance. You owe yourself boundaries in your life, your relationships, and your career. 2017 made this the most crucial part of ending my year strong.
  2. Treat yo self! In moderation, it’s great to treat yourself. I say this because I took treating myself to an extreme and spent the end of the year on the struggle bus. Learning to responsibly treat yourself would be a lesson to learn sooner than later. Award yourself for your hard work, but not to a point that it cripples you in the long run.
  3. Work a little each day on your aspirations. Yeah, we all f*cking work and have lives, bills, financial issues, and whirlwinds of f*ckery that happen through the year. Everyone has some sh*t they are going through, so don’t use your life as an excuse to put off working on your dreams. Be hungry for it and really make time for yourself. You make time for whats the most important to you – Netflix, the ‘Gram, or your f*cking goals.
  4. Be dope and be humble. A past manager of mine once told me that I needed to give myself more credit for my success. From that day, I made an effort to celebrate my dopeness and continue to be open to learning more.
  5. Trust your process. Stop trying to catch up with everyone around you. Stop comparing yourself to everyone around you. Fall in love with your f*cking process. It may be slow, it may be excruciatingly difficult, it may feel like your time isn’t going to come – but if you do what I said in the previous points, you will make your process work.
  6. Stop feeling the need to explain yourself! Like I continue to say, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, just live your life!

On Work

  1. Understanding and condoning are two separate things. There is a level of respect that you have for others and for yourself. Please don’t confuse understanding for condoning. Understand your colleagues, peers, and higher ups. But NEVER let understanding be the source of condoning certain behavior that is unacceptable. When it comes to you, they better put some respect on it!
  2. Work is work is work – so keep it work. I know I’ve told you this is the biggest challenge I face. It is easy to be invested in the work you do, especially if you love the work you do. What I am working on, is separating my work life and personal life. Make an effort to leave work where it is. You have one life to live so make it amazing as f*ck.

On Love

  1. Honest communication is the key! I know I said it before, but you have to be honest in your relationships. If there is something that bothers you, speak up. Don’t let it boil and fester, it will create more issues in the long run. Understand that no matter how much it might hurt, be open and honest with your SO – even if that means breaking up. Ultimately, honesty will keep your relationship growing for the long term.
  2. Protect your privacy. I’m a venter, I have trouble with keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. When the struggle is real and you need to vent, have a close friend to be there for you. The entire world does not need to know your f*cking issues. Keep who you vent to at a minimum, then you won’t feel the need to explain yourself – that is a no-no.
  3. Sh*t ain’t easy. Relationships take work – hard work from both sides. Yes, there will be excitement, spontaneity, and laughs, but there will also be disagreements, stagnancy, and routine. This is all normal, but avoid the latter. Be willing to work on creating more fun and adventure – it won’t be all the time, but it will give you both stories and memories with one another.
  4. #RelationshipGoals. Stop worrying about everyone else’s relationships. Stop comparing you current relationships to your last. Make room for your relationship to grow and have your own set of goals together. A couple that grinds together, shines together. Point blank period.

On Family

  1. If your parents are in your life, whether its one, two, or maybe you have five, love them to the end! They may not be perfect and have quirks but remember they are your parents. They did the best they KNEW how to do to care for you, support you, celebrate with you, punish you, feel with you. I never really held this so high until a great friend of mine lost her mother. If you have a parent in your life, put aside your grudges, let go of their mistakes and love them with no condition. I’ve watched people through the year lose their parents and wish they had that extra day, that extra “I love you,” that extra chance. Love them with no condition.
  2. Set boundaries on toxic family members. No one has time for toxic family members. If they are putting you down, making you feel like sh*t, gossiping on your name, then they need to go. Silence is the best answer to toxic family members.
  3. Take advantage of the family that does inspire and build you up. I have a close knit group of family members that make going home to visit worth every bit of it! It’s the perfect time for refreshing and connecting with my ties. I take advantage of every opportunity I have at home to spoil the sh*t out of my sister, take my parents on dates, see my baby cousins and big cousins, and visit with my amazing aunts!

It is 2018! Make the most of your 2018. You will make mistakes, make memories, build friendships, get in tune with yourself, love yourself that much more, rid of toxic relationships, cry, you will think you lost and get back up again. 2018 will severely pop for you.

So here’s to your new year! (Clink)*


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Living Your Best F*cking Life Is An Art

It isn’t unusual to take a glimpse at your life and feel like something just isn’t right or going as you planned. I know this, because I am still living it.

By the age of 25, I dreamed of starting my journey into entrepreneurship. I would be engaged – or on the brinks of it – to my best friend and partner in crime, living near some modern yet quaint city and spending countless summers exploring the world. I imagined I was living!

But, I learned that life is but a series of nonsense meant to force you to grow and sh*t just doesn’t always go according to plan. As much as this can be terrifying or  often disappointing, I’ve had the best experiences and learned the greatest lessons.

Living Lesson #1: Let go of fear, take the opportunity.

Letting go of fear is a challenge of its own. 

Guess who used to be the expert of fear? This girl right here! I wasted so much time living in fear of what others thought about me, why I couldn’t achieve my end game goals, and convincing myself why I wasn’t ready. There was a steady stream of fear flowing through my body; fear of failure, heartbreak, love, relying on myself, making my own decisions, taking the next big leap, taking the next big fall. I suffered from severe indecisiveness and through this, I allowed others to guide me through their streams.

I learned over the past few years to let go of fear and grab the reigns of your life. Without letting go of fear, there is no possibility of accomplishing your dreams and passions.

Living Lesson #2: Commit.

Lacking consistency is the plague of our demise. When we don’t commit we become the masters of nothingness.

Making commitments and sticking to them help you accomplish everything you hoped for. Life is full of commitments, to education, relationships, careers, and whatnot. But a commitment is just an empty promise if you don’t follow through.

Living Lesson #3: You are responsible for your happiness.

This specific lesson has kicked my ass for decades. It’s all part of having boundaries and being fearless. You are conducting your show, no one else.

Yes, it is o-f*cking-kay that your relationships bring you happiness. But NEVER should your relationships be the source of all your happiness. Our relationships are never promised and people change, people grow. The only person that moves at your exact wavelength, is you.

Learn to count on yourself fifteen times more than your relationships by making yourself happy.

Living Lesson #4: Travel/Live alone.

Get off the couch. Leave home. Get uncomfortable. Move or travel somewhere you have never been. I can’t stress enough how much my travels and living alone made me so damn amazing. Why? Because I had to rely on myself and when I figure something out, it only built my self-esteem. Traveling gave me the opportunity to meet people different from what I was used to. It pushed me to diversify myself and made me more comfortable to change.

Living Lesson #5: Be okay with failing.

Failure is inevitable. Believe it or not, failure is the building block to success – only if we learn from our mistakes and reevaluate improvements. “Next time” is the part that most people stop at and results in the wrong approach to attaining success. Without failing, you can never know success. Don’t let fear of failure dictate your capacity for success.

These are a few living lessons I learned over the years and I know they can change the way you approach a redefined you! Despite not being in the place I planned for myself, I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. So what the f*ck are you waiting for?

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How To Embrace + Love The Life You Are Living

How To Embrace + Love The Life You Are Living

Sometimes, I find myself overwhelmed with all the nonsense and noise of the world. Social media makes it so difficult to ignore the good life that all of our friends and family are living. With so much noise surrounding us, it is challenging to think highly of our own lives....
March 16th, 2018
How I Stopped Derailing My Own Life (& You Can Too!)

How I Stopped Derailing My Own Life (& You Can Too!)

“I don’t need this negativity in my life” – probably my main theme of 2017. Unfortunately, I did have time for it, and half the time I created it. It was the beginning of me derailing my own life and falling into an abyss of negativity. It’s all too common...
February 2nd, 2018
How To Keep Yourself Motivated To Be A Winter Gym Rat

How To Keep Yourself Motivated To Be A Winter Gym Rat

As a native Californian, living on the East Coast through a winter vortex is the f*cking worst. But despite the weather, I never let it stop me from getting a good workout in for the day. The goal is to stay motivated to work out. Snow is a challenge and...
January 8th, 2018
Product Spotlight: Kyra’s Shea Medley

Product Spotlight: Kyra’s Shea Medley

A few months ago, I caught a whiff of the most pleasant smell; it was a sweet, tropical aroma. I immediately asked why he was smelling so good - Kyra's Shea Medley. Before I get into the product, let me give you some background as to why I opt for...
January 7th, 2018
Black Wall Street: Support Black Business

Black Wall Street: Support Black Business

Here is a much needed history lesson, one that strays from American textbook from back in the day. I'm talking about a real history lesson on the terrorist attacks of Black Wall Street. Let me start by mentioning this: In Black America, the Black consumer market has exceeded $1 trillion...
January 3rd, 2018
2018 Will Pop Severely

2018 Will Pop Severely

I don't know about you but 2017 was rough as f*ck. Don't misconstrue my statement as a (complete) negative. I appreciated the hell out of these last 365 days! My experiences were the epitome of my current successes. I started the year off with bright eyes, a positive outlook, and...
January 1st, 2018
Week 1: Why Should I Go Natural?

Week 1: Why Should I Go Natural?

Week 1: IDENTIFY WHY IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO GO NATURAL Going natural is a commitment, it is a journey that will have you in tears some nights but will pay out in the end. Ask yourself: “Why?” Why is it worth it to put in all this hard...
January 1st, 2018

Natural Chicks That Rocked the Double Bun

I am barely noticing this double bun craze, a look that takes me back to the 90's when barrettes and beads were how my mom styled my hair. The tricky part of this style is rocking it without looking like you are just getting into 3rd grade. Here are some...
January 1st, 2018
Colorism: Light Skin, Loose Curls, and Natural Hair

Colorism: Light Skin, Loose Curls, and Natural Hair

Colorism in the natural hair community is nothing but poison to our society and only encourges Eurocentric beauty standards that should be challenged. I am a lover of all natural hair and am at a point that I don't really care too much about this hair typing nonsense (what a...
December 31st, 2017
Deep Conditioning 101: The Do’s and Don’ts

Deep Conditioning 101: The Do’s and Don’ts

Natural hair tends to be more vulnerable to breakage in African Americans and some POC, which is why deep conditioning treatments are a must-have in any naturalista’s hair regimen. Deep conditioning allows moisture to penetrate the hair shaft and keep hair healthy, shiny, and slayed. There are levels to deep...
December 31st, 2017