kimani

all my musings.

How I Stopped Derailing My Own Life (& You Can Too!)

“I don’t need this negativity in my life” – probably my main theme of 2017. Unfortunately, I did have time for it, and half the time I created it. It was the beginning of me derailing my own life and falling into an abyss of negativity.

It’s all too common that you may spend a lot of time trying to figure out where you went wrong and who was to blame for your unhappiness. Well, considering I’ve been there – it’s finally time to cut that sh*t out.

6 ways to stop derailing your amazing life:

Learn to (1) forgive those that never apologized. This one hits home for me the most. There were so many people that I blamed for my unhappiness and felt I deserved apologies from. It became all too consuming to deal with. I had a stroke of realization that there was no need to keep holding on to what was irrelevant. So what if they apologized? It wouldn’t actually change anything.

As humans, we are hell bent to feel like others owe us. In actuality, no one owes us anything. Be responsible for your own happiness. There is no way to achieve it unless you let go of all wrongs. Begin forgiving people that wronged you – with or without their initiated apologies.

Let it go and (2) learn from it. Learn from your mistakes and don’t be the person that repeatedly makes mistakes about the same thing. I would say I am getting better at learning to now repeat the same mistakes in my life. Because of this, I find I am more organized, better prepared, and actually making progress. It’s such a financial, emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual time-suck to not learn from your mistakes. Learn to honor your boundaries and stop making repeated mistakes that keep you stagnant.

(3) Show gratitude each day. I found I took too much of my time focusing on the wrong aspects of my life. It caused me not to appreciate the phone calls my family made to me, the skills I excelled in, and the accomplishments I’ve made thus far.

Showing appreciation for something each day can really change your mindset. A lot of the time we focus hard on the negative and this can be consuming. I challenge you to start focusing on the areas of your life that are great. Positive consumption is much better than the latter and gives you the space and energy you need to tackle your problems.

Please, (4) stop multitasking – that’s why nothing gets completed. I will never ever say that I am good at multitasking. It’s actually the thing I do the worst! I know how things can spiral from multitasking and I continuing to manage my time more effectively working on one thing at a time.

Learn to give a task 100% of your attention and stop multitasking. Multitasking is a recipe for not meeting deadlines, not providing quality work and adding on to your stress.

(5) Keep doing what you love and do it at least twice a week. Over time we forget that we have hobbies and activities that we enjoy. For me, I love writing, painting, and fitness – so I make sure I get it done each week. I found this elevates me more than anything, especially when I am going through a rough patch.

Don’t be hyper-focused on the things that are not fruitful to your happiness. Instead, be gluttonous in what fills your soul and promotes your best version of you.

(6) Be in tune with your f*cking self. And, stop worrying about everyone’s opinions and what think about what you have going on. Seriously, stop investing your magic in the wrong people. Spend the amazing energy giving yourself a needed tune up!

This list can go on, but these 6 points are good places to start freeing you from going overboard. Despite your challenges, take advantage of your magic and don’t allow yourself to fall on the wayside.

If you want to add some advice, share it in the comments below!

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2018 Will Pop Severely

I don’t know about you but 2017 was rough as f*ck. Don’t misconstrue my statement as a (complete) negative. I appreciated the hell out of these last 365 days!

My experiences were the epitome of my current successes. I started the year off with bright eyes, a positive outlook, and loads of opportunities. New love brewed, self-love grew. I spoke up for myself, enjoyed my personal life again, made adventures, and opened my heart to new friendships. I definitely won’t act like there wasn’t frustration, tears shed, epic fights, and self-doubt too. Despite the good fights, 2017 was a year of vulnerability.

2018 is going up and when I tell you it’s going to pop, it’s the truth! Here are some lessons learned from 2017.

On Self

  1. Acknowledge and own your boundaries. Don’t allow others in your space that do not honor you in abundance. You owe yourself boundaries in your life, your relationships, and your career. 2017 made this the most crucial part of ending my year strong.
  2. Treat yo self! In moderation, it’s great to treat yourself. I say this because I took treating myself to an extreme and spent the end of the year on the struggle bus. Learning to responsibly treat yourself would be a lesson to learn sooner than later. Award yourself for your hard work, but not to a point that it cripples you in the long run.
  3. Work a little each day on your aspirations. Yeah, we all f*cking work and have lives, bills, financial issues, and whirlwinds of f*ckery that happen through the year. Everyone has some sh*t they are going through, so don’t use your life as an excuse to put off working on your dreams. Be hungry for it and really make time for yourself. You make time for whats the most important to you – Netflix, the ‘Gram, or your f*cking goals.
  4. Be dope and be humble. A past manager of mine once told me that I needed to give myself more credit for my success. From that day, I made an effort to celebrate my dopeness and continue to be open to learning more.
  5. Trust your process. Stop trying to catch up with everyone around you. Stop comparing yourself to everyone around you. Fall in love with your f*cking process. It may be slow, it may be excruciatingly difficult, it may feel like your time isn’t going to come – but if you do what I said in the previous points, you will make your process work.
  6. Stop feeling the need to explain yourself! Like I continue to say, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, just live your life!

On Work

  1. Understanding and condoning are two separate things. There is a level of respect that you have for others and for yourself. Please don’t confuse understanding for condoning. Understand your colleagues, peers, and higher ups. But NEVER let understanding be the source of condoning certain behavior that is unacceptable. When it comes to you, they better put some respect on it!
  2. Work is work is work – so keep it work. I know I’ve told you this is the biggest challenge I face. It is easy to be invested in the work you do, especially if you love the work you do. What I am working on, is separating my work life and personal life. Make an effort to leave work where it is. You have one life to live so make it amazing as f*ck.

On Love

  1. Honest communication is the key! I know I said it before, but you have to be honest in your relationships. If there is something that bothers you, speak up. Don’t let it boil and fester, it will create more issues in the long run. Understand that no matter how much it might hurt, be open and honest with your SO – even if that means breaking up. Ultimately, honesty will keep your relationship growing for the long term.
  2. Protect your privacy. I’m a venter, I have trouble with keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. When the struggle is real and you need to vent, have a close friend to be there for you. The entire world does not need to know your f*cking issues. Keep who you vent to at a minimum, then you won’t feel the need to explain yourself – that is a no-no.
  3. Sh*t ain’t easy. Relationships take work – hard work from both sides. Yes, there will be excitement, spontaneity, and laughs, but there will also be disagreements, stagnancy, and routine. This is all normal, but avoid the latter. Be willing to work on creating more fun and adventure – it won’t be all the time, but it will give you both stories and memories with one another.
  4. #RelationshipGoals. Stop worrying about everyone else’s relationships. Stop comparing you current relationships to your last. Make room for your relationship to grow and have your own set of goals together. A couple that grinds together, shines together. Point blank period.

On Family

  1. If your parents are in your life, whether its one, two, or maybe you have five, love them to the end! They may not be perfect and have quirks but remember they are your parents. They did the best they KNEW how to do to care for you, support you, celebrate with you, punish you, feel with you. I never really held this so high until a great friend of mine lost her mother. If you have a parent in your life, put aside your grudges, let go of their mistakes and love them with no condition. I’ve watched people through the year lose their parents and wish they had that extra day, that extra “I love you,” that extra chance. Love them with no condition.
  2. Set boundaries on toxic family members. No one has time for toxic family members. If they are putting you down, making you feel like sh*t, gossiping on your name, then they need to go. Silence is the best answer to toxic family members.
  3. Take advantage of the family that does inspire and build you up. I have a close knit group of family members that make going home to visit worth every bit of it! It’s the perfect time for refreshing and connecting with my ties. I take advantage of every opportunity I have at home to spoil the sh*t out of my sister, take my parents on dates, see my baby cousins and big cousins, and visit with my amazing aunts!

It is 2018! Make the most of your 2018. You will make mistakes, make memories, build friendships, get in tune with yourself, love yourself that much more, rid of toxic relationships, cry, you will think you lost and get back up again. 2018 will severely pop for you.

So here’s to your new year! (Clink)*

 

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Living Your Best F*cking Life Is An Art

It isn’t unusual to take a glimpse at your life and feel like something just isn’t right or going as you planned. I know this, because I am still living it.

By the age of 25, I dreamed of starting my journey into entrepreneurship. I would be engaged – or on the brinks of it – to my best friend and partner in crime, living near some modern yet quaint city and spending countless summers exploring the world. I imagined I was living!

But, I learned that life is but a series of nonsense meant to force you to grow and sh*t just doesn’t always go according to plan. As much as this can be terrifying or  often disappointing, I’ve had the best experiences and learned the greatest lessons.

Living Lesson #1: Let go of fear, take the opportunity.

Letting go of fear is a challenge of its own. 

Guess who used to be the expert of fear? This girl right here! I wasted so much time living in fear of what others thought about me, why I couldn’t achieve my end game goals, and convincing myself why I wasn’t ready. There was a steady stream of fear flowing through my body; fear of failure, heartbreak, love, relying on myself, making my own decisions, taking the next big leap, taking the next big fall. I suffered from severe indecisiveness and through this, I allowed others to guide me through their streams.

I learned over the past few years to let go of fear and grab the reigns of your life. Without letting go of fear, there is no possibility of accomplishing your dreams and passions.

Living Lesson #2: Commit.

Lacking consistency is the plague of our demise. When we don’t commit we become the masters of nothingness.

Making commitments and sticking to them help you accomplish everything you hoped for. Life is full of commitments, to education, relationships, careers, and whatnot. But a commitment is just an empty promise if you don’t follow through.

Living Lesson #3: You are responsible for your happiness.

This specific lesson has kicked my ass for decades. It’s all part of having boundaries and being fearless. You are conducting your show, no one else.

Yes, it is o-f*cking-kay that your relationships bring you happiness. But NEVER should your relationships be the source of all your happiness. Our relationships are never promised and people change, people grow. The only person that moves at your exact wavelength, is you.

Learn to count on yourself fifteen times more than your relationships by making yourself happy.

Living Lesson #4: Travel/Live alone.

Get off the couch. Leave home. Get uncomfortable. Move or travel somewhere you have never been. I can’t stress enough how much my travels and living alone made me so damn amazing. Why? Because I had to rely on myself and when I figure something out, it only built my self-esteem. Traveling gave me the opportunity to meet people different from what I was used to. It pushed me to diversify myself and made me more comfortable to change.

Living Lesson #5: Be okay with failing.

Failure is inevitable. Believe it or not, failure is the building block to success – only if we learn from our mistakes and reevaluate improvements. “Next time” is the part that most people stop at and results in the wrong approach to attaining success. Without failing, you can never know success. Don’t let fear of failure dictate your capacity for success.

These are a few living lessons I learned over the years and I know they can change the way you approach a redefined you! Despite not being in the place I planned for myself, I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. So what the f*ck are you waiting for?

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How I Stopped Derailing My Own Life (& You Can Too!)

How I Stopped Derailing My Own Life (& You Can Too!)

“I don’t need this negativity in my life” – probably my main theme of 2017. Unfortunately, I did have time for it, and half the time I created it. It was the beginning of me derailing my own life and falling into an abyss of negativity. It’s all too common...
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